I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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