shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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