We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
