Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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