We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
