It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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