friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
