They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
