The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
