Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
