mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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