She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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