At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
