I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
