In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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