She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
