Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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