hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
