i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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