Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
