Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
