she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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