I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
