he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
