when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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