I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
