UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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