u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
