Someone shit on the floor
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
