I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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