It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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