Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
