We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
