if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
