i think my mom watched the whole time
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
