I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
please come you make the beer taste better
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
