I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
