If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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