Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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