We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
