he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
