If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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