Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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