If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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