Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
