i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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