Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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