When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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