I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
