On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
