NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
