You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
