i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me I should be a condom model.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize