I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
