I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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