He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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