butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
