from now on my penis is your penis
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize