If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So drunk its hurt
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
