please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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