Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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