At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
