How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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