The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
