we have officially lost it.
honey bunches of taint.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
