There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
