You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize