Sry I called you an 8
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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